


Sea of Lovers

by Scriptor_Bellum



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Afterlife, Character Death, Complicated Relationships, F/M, I'll add more tags if I need to! I'm not sure QUITE where this is going yet so, Mass Effect 3 spoilers, Multi, NSFW, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Sex, There are so many feelings, everyone is free as hell and the afterlife is just as complicated as the beforelife ahahaha, it starts out rough, please enjoy them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scriptor_Bellum/pseuds/Scriptor_Bellum
Summary: Life was complicated. Death was simple. Or, at least, it should have been.The fact that it’s not easy can only make her pray that, as all difficult things, it will be worth it.Afterlife AU? Afterlife AU!Main ship is Thane/Morgan (OC)/Irikah, side ships are Garrus/Ally (OC), Chris (male Commander Shepard)/Tali, mentions of Kolyat/Blythe (OC) and various OC/OC things
Relationships: Garrus Vakarian/Original Female Character(s), Irikah Krios/Thane Krios, Male Shepard/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, OC/OC, Thane Krios/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	Sea of Lovers

**Author's Note:**

> ... If, uh, if you're looking for an explanation, u no get one- XD
> 
> ANYWAY this was originally just gonna be one more one-off fic in my Mass Effect fic collection... but then I decided, well, it actually would need a few chapters to flesh out everything I wanted to touch on, and it might work better as a multi-chapter thing on its own. Starting another multi-chapter thing is something I probably shouldn't do, but I liked the concept too much to let it go...
> 
> So, compromise in that this probably won't be too many chapters, depending on where exactly I go with it. 5 chapters, maybe 10 at the absolute most.
> 
> For anyone who doesn't know the setup from the notes in my fic collection, here's a quick rundown of this universe:
> 
> Chris is my male Shepard, the Commander. He has an older sister, Morgan, who serves as a cadet, and a younger sister, Ally, who's a serviceman. Their background is technically Earthborn, but it wasn't the "Earthborn" as given in the game. Their background is born on Earth, where they were raised by loving parents who died in an accident when Morgan was fifteen, leaving her to raise her siblings. They eventually made their way to joining the Alliance military.
> 
> Chris became the famous Commander Shepard, and his sisters became good soldiers in their own right. Chris is in a relationship with Tali; Ally is in a relationship with Garrus; and Morgan is in a relationship with Thane. Morgan's background also involves her having a still-living ex-husband named Chakide, and three daughters; 12-year-old Sihle, 8-year-old Joanna, and 5-year-old Ayanda.
> 
> The ending of the third game that this fic builds on is one where the Reapers were defeated, the universe in most of its entirety was saved... but Chris, Ally, and Morgan all died, along with Garrus and Tali.
> 
> The relationship between Thane, Morgan, and Irikah will be the main focus of the fic, but obviously Chris and Tali and Garrus and Ally's relationships will get lots of mentions too!
> 
> Okay, so with that out of the way... please enjoy!! And please leave a comment if you liked it, because comments keep me going! <3

* * *

_I wait for light like water from the sky  
and I am lost again  
in the sea of lovers without ships  
and lovers without sight  
you’re the only way out of this  
sea of lovers losing time  
and lovers losing hope  
will you let me follow you  
wherever you go?  
bring me home…_

―Christina Perri, “Sea of Lovers” ****

* * *

By the time Morgan Shepard feels a few tons of rubble burying her, she’s begun to consider that the Drell way of thinking is onto something.

A long time ago, several years that seem like a lifetime away now, Thane told her in a conversation about his son that Drell beliefs included one which spoke of Disconnection. A soul and a body create a Whole being, which is the ideal; the way that people _should_ exist. If the body is very sick or hurt, if the soul is distressed, then one runs the risk of becoming Disconnected.

The way Thane told her about it made it sound terrible. He believed Kolyat had become this way and was heading down a dark path, that being Disconnected for a prolonged period of time means that someone may never be Whole again. Others might be confused about the concept, but to Morgan, there was sense in it.

A body without a soul to inhabit it is little more than a hollow husk devoid of purpose. A soul without a body to make a home inside is nothing but a wandering spirit looking for security. How could anyone truly exist like that?

She can understand it so well, because in this moment, she realizes she has not been Whole since Thane died.

All this time she’s existed in a haze, lost to her brother and sister, lost to her friends, Disconnected from herself and the rest of a world that had become too cruel for her to continue finding any sort of happiness in. Everyone tried to help her by urging her forward in life. She tried to help herself by exacting revenge on the man who killed her lover.

Her friends and family gave her support, and taking Kai Leng out of the world gave her a sense of bitter peace, but at the same time, a part of her died with Thane, and nothing could bring it back.

He took a piece of her soul with him when he left. Without it, she will never be Whole again.

When the debris falls on top of her, her body does feel it. Pain shoots through her whole being all at once. Her legs are crushed beneath it. Her arms are pinned to the ground. Something heavy bears down on her chest, and her ribs crack. There are shards in her lungs and heart. She coughs up blood that stains her lips with a thick viscosity that she might never forget.

Unlike Chris and Ally, Morgan does not die quickly. She lingers, and maybe that’s fitting because it’s just the way she is. What she learned from the people she loves is to stay determined. Keep going. Persevere. It’s made her stubborn, in a way. For what feels like a long time, she can hear the voices of everyone from her life encouraging her in everything she’s ever done.

Tears trickle down her face as she considers just how lucky she’s been that this life was _hers._

She had two amazing parents who were gone too soon, who were proud of her no matter what she did.

She had two incredible siblings, who refused to give up on her even when she wanted to give up on herself.

She had an understanding husband, who supported her even when that meant they went their separate ways.

She had three beautiful daughters, who adored her as a mother, as a soldier, and as a person.

She had so many wonderful friends, who made her want to be the best she could be.

She had a man who turned out to be the love of her life, who woke up something inside her that she didn’t even know was there.

She had the freedom and strength to make her own choices, no matter what they were, and the conviction to stand by them, even when it may have been difficult.

It was a good life, wasn’t it? Some people never get as much as she had.

She was blessed to live this life.

But it’s over now.

The biggest comfort is that she and her siblings and their friends _won._ The rest of the universe will survive and thrive because of them. They saved so many lives by sacrificing their own, even when they weren’t sure they could do it.

The universe is safe now.

Part of Morgan thinks, as she lies there, that she’s not dead yet. She could cling to her draining life, she could call for help, she could will her body to continue taking labored breaths. She could live just long enough to die in a hospital maybe a day or two from now. She idly wonders if it would be possible that someone could even recover from these kinds of injuries.

Could she? If she could, and she _doesn’t,_ if she just lets herself slip away ― does that make her a coward like she’s always been?

If Thane took a piece of her soul with him, then the deaths of her siblings and friends would do the same. She had trouble finding her way without Thane… she definitely doesn’t think she’s strong enough to do it without so many other people who are important to her. Without the slimmest potential to ever be Whole again.

She closes her eyes and a thready, shuddering breath is pulled through her lips before being exhaled back out. This body of hers is in so much pain. She feels old and broken and exhausted. Recovering from this only to be greeted with a life where she doesn’t have her lover, her brother, her sister, so many of her friends, where she would have to fight hard to find any scrap of joy, is something she can’t even imagine.

She’s so tired of fighting. She doesn’t want to fight anymore.

A moment passes, then a soft voice surrounds her. _“You’re sure this is your time, aren’t you?”_ It sounds like her mother. _“That doesn’t mean you aren’t **strong** , sweetheart.”_

“ _Accepting it takes **strength**.”_ Another voice chimes in, and this one sounds like her father. _“If you’re ready, baby girl, then just let go.”_

More voices soon join them, all echoing in her mind.

“ _You don’t have to be afraid_ _―_ _we’re_ _here_ _with you,_ _just like always_ _,”_ Ally’s voice says. _“_ _Just like you **always** have been for us.”_

“ _It’s okay if you want to come with us;_ _you’ve been **through** so much_ _,”_ Chris’ voice says. _“_ _This_ _doesn’t_ _mean you’re giving up.”_

“ _If this is_ _where you’re_ _done_ _,_ _there’s no shame in ad_ _mitting_ _that,”_ Garrus’ voice says. _“_ _You know your **limits** better than anyone.”_

“ _This is scary, but no matter what you choose, it’_ _ll be_ _ **okay** ,”_ Tali’s voice says. _“_ _As long as you_ _trust_ _yourself, it’s going to be fine.”_

“ _Have almost died many times already, deserve to be happy,”_ Mordin’s voice says. _“Decision now_ _ **should**_ _be selfish after selfless life.”_

“ _We will keep you safe,”_ Thane’s voice says, at last. _“It’s alright if you are ready_ _now_ _. It’s alright if you are not ready_ _yet_ _. This is your decision,_ _ **siha**_ _, and yours alone. Just know that_ _whatever you decide,_ _you_ _do not have to carry the weight of the consequences_ _b_ _y yourself_ _._ _Whenever you are ready… I’m waiting for you across the sea._ _We all are._ _And until you’re ready, we will be with you._ _I love you,_ _Morgan_ _._ _”_

When Morgan feels a hand touching her shoulder, and she looks up to see Javik’s face blurry above her, she’s made her decision. She can hear him calling her name… she thinks. This is the first time she’s ever seen or heard him be truly distressed. That’s probably because he’s already discovered that Chris and Ally are dead, too.

She hates to do this to him. He’s lost so much already. He doesn’t deserve it. She was never truly close with him, but in one day, he’s again lost so many people that he cared for. All she can offer him is a bloody smile and a rasp of, “I’m sorry.”

To his credit, it seems like, despite the obvious agony in his eyes, he understands. For the first time she has felt, he is gentle, stroking lightly over her shoulder in her final moments. He couldn’t be there for Chris or Ally’s, so she supposes he wants to soften the blow of hers. He says nothing except a small, sad, “Farewell, my friend.”

Her eyes drift closed and open several times. Even though she’s ready, she’s still afraid. What awaits her once she really does die? Is it the truth, that Thane and Chris and Ally and her parents and all her friends who’ve passed on are waiting for her on some idyllic beach? Or are these voices just some kind of hallucination, and when she dies, there will be nothing?

She knows there’s only one way to find out. She continues to cry as she closes her eyes for the last time, trying to return Javik’s goodbye.

When her body sets her soul free, it feels like she’s watching from the outside. As if her body is simply a cracked shell beyond repair that was letting her soul leak out anyway.

Everything goes black. It feels almost like she’s sleeping.

She wonders if, when she wakes up, she’ll be Whole again.

* * *

Morgan can feel something filling her lungs, but the need to gasp for air is strangely absent.

The sensation is just liquid slowly making its way into her chest. It’s a dense feeling, like something pressing against her, and yet it’s not uncomfortable in the slightest. Simply something different. She can still breathe. It’s not like she’s drowning.

She tastes salt on her tongue with her mouth wide open. There’s salt on her cheeks, too. She feels like she’s suspended in an ocean, floating weightlessly through the water – toward something. Toward something good, she thinks.

Her mind’s eye conjures up a memory from her childhood.

_[_ _Two years old with bright eyes and a chubby face, her legs are wobbling under her. Her tongue pokes out of her mouth as she babbles nonsensically. As if she thinks that will help her focus._

_She takes a step, then lets out a triumphant squeal._

“ _That’s it, honey!” H_ _annah Shepard_ _stands a few feet away, with her arms outstretched toward Morgan._ _A grin is on her face that lights up the room. “This way! This way, Morgan! Come to Mommy!”_

_Drew Shepard is next to his wife, filming the whole thing. “No, no! Come to_ _**Daddy,** _ _Morgan!”_

_Hannah laughs and shakes her head before continuing to beckon Morgan in her direction. “Come on! Come to Mommy and Daddy!”_

“ _You can do it,_ _Morgan_ _!” Drew adds. His own smile is visible as he admires his daughter through the viewfinder. “You can do it!”_

“ _That’s right! You can do it,_ _sweetheart_ _!”_

“ _Come on over! We’re waiting for you, baby girl!”_ _]_

As soon as Morgan’s head breaches the surface of the water, she starts to cough. It doesn’t seem like she actually needs to, and it doesn’t hurt at all; her lungs aren’t on fire, her throat isn’t raw when she breathes, gravity isn’t dragging her down to the depths.

Although she feels tired, it isn’t the same kind of tired she felt before.

Hands grab onto each of her arms, and it suddenly becomes clear to her that _nothing_ hurts. All her injuries are gone. She can move her legs, there aren’t any cuts on her arms, and the sticky blood that painted her lips has been washed away.

“ _ **MORGAN!**_ ” two voices cry out. When she looks up, there are her brother and sister. They’ve all but fished her out of the sea, and are giving her wide-eyed looks of shock and relief. Chris is looking at her like he’s just laid eyes on a ghost. Ally has a had over her mouth as if she’s ready to burst into tears.

It’s only a few seconds before she’s swept up into their arms. This is the first time, Morgan thinks, that she’s ever seen Chris cry since he became an adult. A high-pitched wail mixed with laughter is Ally’s contribution to the madness. The youngest Shepard is kissing her big sister’s face, a machine-gun assault of affection, while Chris has set his forehead against Morgan’s while trying to catch his breath.

Part of her is so confused by what’s happening. The other part knows very well.

She almost doesn’t want to believe it.

But whatever else is true, she’s not strong enough to try and resist this moment.

Her arms come to life and pull both of them in, tears rolling down her cheeks, holding her little brother and little sister as tightly as she can―

― Holding their small family together just like she has for the last twenty-five years.

“You’re here! Here you are!” Ally giggles. “We weren’t sure if you were coming or not!”

The smile Chris gives her is so nervous and so _not him_ that it gives her pause. “What were you waiting for, anyway? Something falling on your head to fin ish the picture of _ow?_ ”

Morgan falters. Her grip slackens, and she looks from one of them to the other. So that’s really… what happened. “Chris… Ally… did we… we all died, didn’t we?”

“We did,” Chris sighs. “Some glorious saviors of the universe we all are, huh?”

“Well, we kind of are,” Ally hums, “aren’t we? We’re dead, but the rest of the universe is still standing. Maybe with a few cracks… nothing some medi-gel and Keeper repairs won’t fix, though.”

Finally, Morgan speaks up again. “You.”

The two of them look at her. “What?” Ally tilts her head.

Her voice is gravelly and quiet. A fresh round of tears spills over her eyelids. “I was waiting for _you._ You and Mom and Dad and Thane and Tali and Garrus and Mordin… for you to tell me it… it was okay to let go.”

Ally and Chris look over at each other to exchange a glance that is both heartfelt and heartbroken in the same expression. Just like that, Morgan’s wrapped up in another hug.

They stay like that for a moment, soaking in the feeling of being together. Unsurprisingly, Chris is the one who breaks away first. “Mom! Dad!” he calls, turning his head. “Mom, Dad, she’s here.”

For the first time, Morgan gets a look at this place when she lifts her head in the direction Chris is turned. The three siblings are clustered on the edge of what seems to be a gorgeous tropical island. Golden-white sand stretches as far as she can see. Palm trees that look alien dot the ground, along with some kind of cacti. The sky is blue and white in such a way that it looks like an artist has mixed oil paints together to create it. Water laps gently against her feet as it comes in against the shore. She tries to push herself up, sinking her fingers into the sand, and they meet a seashell.

It’s a paradise. Everything is so beautiful.

What is this, anyway? _Heaven?_

“Sweetheart?”

Her thoughts freeze, because she hasn’t heard that voice since she was fifteen years old.

“Baby girl?”

Or that one.

Before she knows it, she’s staring into her parents’ faces. So much time has passed ― she’s been living without them for longer than she had them ― it hits her all at once that she’d almost forgotten what they look like. Hannah’s hair is a little shorter now, and Drew’s is a little longer. Miraculously, they don’t look any older than they were when Morgan remembers them dying.

Any resolve she might have had to keep her composure withers into nothing. She jumps up, full of an energy that came out of nowhere, and runs toward the two of them. In this moment, she is the same little girl who came racing toward the door when either of them got home.

Neither of them move, instead standing there to catch their oldest child in their arms. This is the first time in so long that Morgan actually feels _light._ It feels like she could just leap into the air and fly away. She’s crying so hard she wonders if she could drown in her own tears.

When her mother and father died, she was only a teenager; she had to grow up fast, get a job, take care of her eight-year-old brother and three-year-old sister, while processing the grief of losing both of her parents. She knows it was harder on Chris and Ally because they were so young, but the constant pressure of holding everything together is what made her who she is. Nothing about it was easy.

“Mom! Dad!” she gasps as soon as she can get a breath in. Being in their arms makes her feel small and safe. “I… I missed you so much… you’re really here… you’re _really here…_ it’s really you!”

“Of course it’s us.” Drew presses a kiss to his daughter’s cheek, running a hand through her hair. This is something she hasn’t had for so many years. The simple act of her father kissing her cheek makes her want to smile until it cracks her face. “Oh, Morgan. We missed you too.”

Hannah puts a hand on Morgan’s other cheek, and the look she gives is one so full of love, Morgan remembers it from her childhood. “I’m sorry your time was so soon, sweetheart. And Chris’ and Ally’s. But we’re so happy to have you all with us again.”

“We watched you three a lot,” Drew adds with a chuckle. “I can’t believe everything you did!”

“We’re so _proud_ of you,” Hannah beams. “You all have done so much for the world!”

“Mom… Dad…” Morgan can’t help but laugh in response, because seeing her parents again is something she thought was never going to happen.

She hugs them tighter. “I wish you could have been there with us…”

“We _were_ there.” Drew kisses her forehead. “Every time you looked up at the sky, every time you found the strength inside yourselves to keep going, every time you felt proud of yourselves―”

“― That was us,” Hannah finishes. “Looking down on you and reminding you what extraordinary people you all are. Reminding you that we love you and that we were always with you.”

Morgan relaxes against her parents for a minute. There were times when she thought she could feel their spirits there; talking to her, putting a hand on her shoulder, willing her forward. She knew Chris and Ally felt those times too.

To know that they weren’t just sentimental moments, that they were _real_ and their parents really were there, gives her a sense of peace she can’t even begin to describe. “I love you both so much. Seeing you again makes me so happy…”

Eventually, a thought snaps into her mind, prompting her to open her eyes. Slowly she pulls herself from her parents’ hug and looks between them and her siblings. “Wait. Wait, wait ― wait a second. If this is… heaven… if you guys are here…”

If her heart needed to pump anymore, it would probably stop in her chest. The idea that she could reunite with her soulmate rises so far inside her, it might destroy her if someone tells her he isn’t here.

Why wouldn’t he be? He’s a good person. Surely if this is heaven, he’s here somewhere.

“Where,” she whispers as she looks pleadingly toward her siblings, “where’s…”

Ally and Chris look at each other with mischievous smiles. A few torturous seconds later, the two of them part, giving Morgan a clear view to exactly who she’s been desperately looking for since she lost him.

“ _ **THANE!!**_ ”


End file.
